I am stressed. (Aren’t I always?) I know I’m going to Russia. I am at peace with it. I am anticipating it. My family (with the exception of a cousin) doesn’t know. Their opinions on it don’t matter: they won’t change my mind. But they do matter: they will stress me out. Because unfortunately, that’s who I am (for now). I already know what they will say…exactly what I said when I mentioned applying: “Are you crazy? Don’t go” and “Do you use your head when you do these things?”
I am not mentally unstable, emotionally I may be but I am not crazy. I will go, because I am using my head and I refuse to follow in the footsteps of the majority in getting a government job, or a job I hate and doing it simply to get money. I can be a whore to get money, and based on my moral setup I would feel like dying everyday that I breath.
Happiness, being at peace, a content heart is my goal. It is to me what money is to most. I quit my job because it was making me more and more depressed. I volunteer in non-profit ventures, and start my own because I am at peace in those activities, because I’m making a difference and using my unique blend of arrogance, passion, love, optimism, scepticism, faith, talent, and skill. We each have it. We are all unique. But I am of the band which recognizes happiness based on using one’s ability, talent to help other as being higher than everything that is earthly.
I can’t get to my next step without doing something different…without doing almost everything different. I can’t finish without leaving. I can’t finish without going. That’s a lie. 🙂 Nothing is impossible. However, it will be more difficult. After waiting for an opportunity for nine years, I think it foolish to reject this one for fear based on and in ignorance.
Many people think I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was born with it in my back. All of its edges are blunt. All of its edges are beautiful, and smeared with my blood. Silver spoons aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.