Me? I’m Anxious

I should be writing a post about my inability to communicate via social networking sites. I have 89 words in a note that’s been waiting on me for the last several hours. I should have written three or two other posts, researched another, and written at least one article. But I haven’t. Instead I’ve been researching about packing.


One, I am a procrastinator. Two, I’m a little depressed. Three…I have never packed before and as silly as it sounds I am anxious about it. So I keep Googling and reading various sites about packing, and packing for Russia since it experiences all four seasons because I’ve only experienced Summer (that’s all there is in Antigua and Barbuda), and packing for university, and packing for extended stays, and packing light for ease of movement because I am the person who slams her hip into a stationary table in the office where she’s been working for several months, and bumps into the wall (also stationary and in the same office), and trips in flats on a flat surface while walking. So I’m freaking out a little because the experience will be entirely new with possibilities of me being clumsy,  getting hurt, or damaging objects frequently. I don’t remember how the airports I went to at 5, 8, and 9 (all in the Caribbean) look and I don’t know what to expect, and so I feel really overwhelmed. But I can’t or don’t want to say anything.

Russia is one if the most notorious countries in fiction. In this year alone I have encountered so many stories about how evil Russia and Russians are I’m on the edge of believing it’s a conspiracy against Putin and his countrymen. I read Ted Bell’s Tsar (the name makes the point) though the book didn’t place Russia in as dark a light as most. I randomly selected an old book and it proclaimed Russia the heart of evil. I turned on the television and dramas, thrillers and comedies alike (all American mind you) described the potency of the blackness of Russians in their savagery on every level. Though newscasters assist in creating this mindset fictional pieces carry higher emotional attachment and value. And they have laid the solid foundation that Westerners should disdain the barbaric manner of Russians and the Russians themselves. And this is the attitude I am met with whenever I mention it. So I simply don’t.

But I will not be a hypocrite and say that I wasn’t fearful of Russians in the past. However, I did some research on the country and found it quite like any other based on reports from (Caucasian and Black) travellers who have visited and migrated there recently. This quell my fear, and I moved on to bigger pastures.

For other people travelling is a simple thing but I am extremely anxious about it. Will I get stopped for looking suspicious? Will my carry-on be too big, or heavy to fit? Will my check-in bag get lost? Will I get lost transferring between flights, and miss my flight? Will I get lost in the final airport? Will I be able to pick out the person who’s at the airport to meet me? Will someone be meeting me at the airport? Or will I have to get to the university on my own? Will I get lost between the airport between the airport and the university? Will I forget something I need for university, or the weather? Will I be unprepared when I get there? How am I going to work out getting new glasses? I’ll need to change them at least once in the five years? Should I get contact lens or just continue with my glasses? I have a tendency of falling asleep in them and making the handles weak. Should I get new frames before I leave?

So I am in the middle of worry in a very measured manner. I wasn’t aware that those questions were in the list that has been bating my breath. But now that they are in the conscious region I am feeling a little calmer, because these question,though they cannot be answered or completely crossed off, the chances of them happening can be lessen drastically if I thoroughly research each of them, and I will. I guess, in some way I knew that I was worrying about going to Russia. I have found myself researching packing over and over again. I am not completely settled on the topic but I am not as unsettled as I was in the beginning. I will do the same for the other questions, and I will definitely be sharing my findings with you. There are insightful articles scattered across the web about Russia but I think I’d liked to bring the answers to my concerns to one place. I’m sure I’m not the only overt anxious person with these worries, and if I am I’ll simply be helping a wider range of people at once.

Yes, I am an anxious, procrastinating optimist with a very pessimistic view of things. And now that I’ve written some of my fears I’ll get back to my other duties.

What are some clothing which can be used in all for seasons? What should I remember to carry to university? Share your travelling  and university experience. Share  fears, and courage with me.

See you next week Tuesday.


3 thoughts on “Me? I’m Anxious

  1. wow so many thoughts at the same time 🙂 When I reach that critical point with so many worries, my mind goes blank =)
    And welcome to Russia! We are not so mean, don’t believe propaganda 😉


    1. Precisely how my mind work. It’s fortunate and unfortunate. Blank is how I’ve been feeling the past weeks. Since getting those thoughts out I’ve been much more productive.

      😀 Thank you. I’ve realized that. I will not. I’m pleased to have encountered you.

      Liked by 1 person

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